LANGUAGES OF LOVE

The 5 love languages – formed by Gary Chapman distinguish between the different ways people show and receive love. We tend to have a preferred language. In many cases they are the symbolic displays that show we love and are loved.

He has proposed that everybody has a ‘love language’ in which that they are most comfortable to express their love to their partner, and as importantly, need to receive back.

The five ‘languages’ that he suggests are:

1.    Words of affirmation

2.    Quality time

3.    Receiving gifts

4.    Acts of service

5.    Physical touch

Problems develop in a relationship when partners don’t share the same language and therefore, don’t express love and affection in a way to which their partner can relate. For example, if one person needs words of affirmation to feel loved and secure but their partner only uses physical touch, then neither is going to be satisfied.

Not everybody would agree with these categories, but the concept is one that has been explored in different ways, by many motivational writers. Some even suggest that each sex has a completely different love language and to have a happy relationship, you need to learn how these operate.

In my experience, I have come to the conclusion that everyone does have one or more methods by which they express their love for their partner and if they do not feel loved in return, it may be that their partner is expressing it in ways that they cannot understand.

Love language 1 – Words of affirmation

This is an easy one – affirmations are compliments, the words of appreciation, of encouragement and the words of recognition. Partners surveys everywhere tell us that people want to be thanked and appreciated for what they do, wanting words of affirmation to show they are valued.

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.*

Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love.

Love Language 2 – Quality Time

Another easy one to apply in the relationship is – finding the time to talk, listen and engage with partners. This seems particularly important for women to receive quality time from their men. They want to know they have been listened to and that they have been part of a quality conversation. It can be achieved by allocating time to the conversations, observing body language, asking questions and paying attention.

This means giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television together. What I mean is taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other while talking. Time is a strong communicator of love. The love language of quality time has many dialects. One of the most common is that of quality conversation – two individuals sharing their thoughts and feelings. A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s desires. We must be willing to give advice, but only when it’s requested and never in a condescending manner. 

Here are some practical listening tips: 
❤ Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking.
❤Don’t do something else at the same time.
❤ Listen for feelings and confirm them. Ask yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?”
❤ Observe body language.
❤ Refuse to interrupt. Such interruptions indicate, “I don’t care what you are saying; listen to me.”
❤ Quality conversation also calls for self-revelation. In order for your partner to feel loved, you must reveal some of yourself, too.

Love Language 3 – Receiving Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.*

Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. All five love languages challenge us to give to our spouse, but for some, receiving gifts, visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest. A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.” A gift is a symbol of that thought. Gifts come in all sizes, colours and shapes. Some are expensive and others are free. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost will matter little. 

There is also an intangible gift that can speak more loudly than something that can be held in one’s hand. Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give. Your body becomes the symbol of your love.

Love Language 4 – Acts of service

This is doing something that you know the other person would like you to do. They often involve thought, planning and effort. It can be expressed as an offer to help or to do something that you know will make a difference to the other person.

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.* I’m not saying become a doormat to your partner and do these things out of guilt or resentment. No person should ever be a doormat. Do these things as a lover.

Love Language 5 – Physical touch

And finally physical touch – this is probably the crucial, hardest and most important love

language. This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.*

Holding hands, kissing, hugging and sex – all of these are lifelines for the person for whom physical touch is the primary love language. With it, they feel secure in their partner’s love. “Love touches” don’t take much time, but they do require a little thought, especially if this isn’t your primary love language or you didn’t grow up in a “touching” family. Sitting close to each other as you watch TV requires no additional time, but communicates your love loudly. Touching each other when you leave the house and when you return may involve only a brief kiss, but speaks volumes.

Regards,

Umar

The Secrets of a Successful Relationship

Whether your life partnership is a traditional marriage or a de facto relationship; Engaged or Dating, the same skills are required to make it lasting and stable. Once the rosy hues of romantic love and lust have started to fade, other resources are needed to keep both people in the relationship equally fulfilled and content.Attitudes towards even the most traditional marriage are changing and the accepted hierarchical of dominant superior male and submissive inferior female has very little place in most of today’s life partnerships.

Partners want to be seen as equal, but different in a dynamic relationship that allows them both to grow.

So what are some of the characteristics of a successful and enduring relationship? Here is the answer;

·         Honesty & Trust: This may be the most important characteristic. Without trust in a relationship, it will never become as deep and enduring as could otherwise be possible. This means that in some areas agreed between you, there should be complete transparency. Fidelity may not be the issue, perhaps it is agreed that it is okay to have affairs outside the primary relationship, as long as it is secure. Each couple will need to decide their own rules.

·         Communication: People see things only from their own perspective yet they tend to think that everyone else shares their point of view! Lack of communication is one of the major problems cited when couples come for counselling. Clear communication is often hindered by fears of criticism, ridicule, rejection and that it may be used against them later. Therefore, trust is a very important part of a couple’s communication. Each person needs to discover what it is that makes it so hard for them to communicate and to also find out what is inhibiting their partner. It is often necessary to learn about ‘speaking for self’ and the differences between being assertive and aggressive.

·         Respect: How can there be a successful relationship without respect? Respect of each other’s idiosyncrasies, weaknesses and strengths, as well as an acknowledgement that it is okay for the other person to make decisions and have opinions, even if you don’t agree with them.

·         Conflict Resolution: All relationships have conflict, it is impossible to be in agreement with another person all of the time, or even most of the time. What is important is to find out the real reason behind the conflict; is it insecurity, jealousy or a way to control the other person? Using conflict resolution skills such as speaking in turn, avoiding emotionally charged language and speaking for self, conflict can become strength not a weakness.

·         Responsibility: Each partner recognises that they have a responsibility to make this relationship work by learning from their failures and being willing to make an effort. They acknowledge that it is a life long process which will require implementation and learning of many skills.

·         Romance: This means that you spend time together having fun and relaxation. You enjoy each other’s company and look forward to your ‘couple time’. Romance is more than a bunch of flowers, it is also about loving kindness, caring and nurturance of your partner.

·         Sexual intimacy: In an enduring relationship, this will be an area that continues to grow. It is a way of being together that must be seen as part of the whole. Therefore, the rest of your relationship together must also be supportive and satisfying for this area to be strong. You cannot treat your partner with distain and expect a warm and loving bedmate. Also, remember that’s sex is notjust about physical intercourse (see Romance!).

·         Self disclosure: In a secure and loving relationship, both partners are comfortable in being their ‘real selves’ and with self disclosure. The ‘real self’ has confidence in its own convictions; is decisive, honest and assertive. Where both partners are in touch with this part of themselves, they can share their dreams and fears knowing that they will be accepted and supported by their partner.

·         Humour: Often under rated in a relationship is the ability to laugh together but more importantly, to be able to laugh at yourself.

Another issue often requested by couples in counselling, is a need for ‘unconditional love’. However, this can be a case of love being blind; love needs to be earned and maintained and if there is, for example, no trust or respect, than love does not deserve to be unconditional.

Good relationships are made, they don’t just happen.

Regards,  (Dedicated to Someone very special for Me, I wana Thank You)

Umar

Relationships last long not because they're destined to last long.
Relationship last long because two brave people made a choice To keep it, Fight for it, and to work for it.

Relationship and Love Poems

Relationship and Love Poems:

A relationship is a connection between two individuals. When two people fall in love it has become a loving relationship. The relationship has moved from two people simply in contact with each other to two people who can't get enough of each other. A loving relationship may build slowly like a train coming in the distance until when it get to you it emits a deafening roar. Or you may be two people totally oblivious to the relationship that is developing when suddenly you are hit with the realization that you have fallen in love. People are complex and love develops in different ways.

How Could You Forget About Me

Missing you, that special someone

Our love was genuine and ever so real

A hopeless romantic in your embrace

How could you forget about me … Forget about me?

I can’t forget you

Hold me again, ever so tightly

Help me feel the warmth of your breath

Tell me now. How could you forget about me?

Forget about me

Gone are the days where you held me so long.

Now you lay next to someone else

I can’t help but wonder where we went wrong

I wanted to believe of love guaranteed

But just like the season changes

Only one heart remains

How could you forget about me?

Forget about me

Today I stand on the road, alone

My heart aches with uncertainty and sorrow

Our love lost before it was real.

I don’t understand why it took me so long

To realize you weren’t the one.

Standing alone is no easy task

But knowing there’s someone

Who will care about me?

Gives me strength to forget about us.

Tomorrow I’ll dream about loving another

Whose love is real and ever so strong

So tell me now

How could you forget about me?

I thought you were the one

I honestly believed

Of love guaranteed

But somehow you forgot about me

And now only one broken heart remains

 

Found Love By Amanda Lovatt

Life is long
and sometimes sweet
then all at once
a man you meet.

A man so honest
a man so true
who gives you back
what once was you.

I send to you
though far apart
a precious gift
, which is my heart.

Just think of me
before you sleep
my heart I give
for you to keep.

New Found Love

How did you do it?
How did you fill the void in my heart in so little time?
When did you deside it was me all along
you were waiting to find?

How did it happen?
Not very simple you see..
I was so very lonely
and you came to rescue me,

An angel you say I am,
Well I can say to thee...
That this is no coincidence,
GOD really made you for me,

And me for you...
It's all the same!!!
Today if I'm happy...
Then you are the blame,

A new chapter in my book,
Pages written in Gold...
Time waites patiently,
For owr love to unfold...

So here's a little piece of me...
So that you may understand,
What I have always longed for,
Is a true good man...

This Poem was written,
for a love that is true...
It's simple to see that,
This Poems for you!!!

Ever since knowing you

Ever since knowing you, I've felt a special feeling.
Ever since looking into your eyes, I've felt so much love.
Ever since feeling your hug, I've felt truely cared for.
The day I saw you at the party, my body begged for your's.
I saw someone I automatically felt I would give my heart to.
Never before I met you did I quite feel this way
I never thought these words I could honestly say:
I love you as my friend, I love you in another way.
I thank any God there
is I met you on that one certain day.

A Brand New Love By Shirley H. Brunson

Late at night
My thoughts drift to you
And of our love
That is brand new

I think of all
We've shared thus far
Every dream we wished
Upon a star

Making memories
You and I
Our spirits soar
To reach the sky

To thank the one
From Heaven above
Who blessed us with
This wondrous love

I Think I'm In Love With You By Justin Kraft

I don't know what to say
Or even what to do
All I no is that
I think I'm in love with you
Every time I hold you close
Or put your hand in mine
I feel like just maybe
I won't let go this time
I know that you don't see it
But it's a feeling all so new
I don't know what's happening
But I think I'm in love with you
I want to tell you how I feel
To let you no It's true
That maybe just maybe
I'm in love with you
This may sound crazy I know
But I needed to let it out
Because there is something there
I know without a doubt
So stop treating me like a toy
I'm a person too
I need you to realize my feelings
I think I'm in love with you

My Torn Lover

My mysterious lover

Oh, how I love thee

Your penetrating eyes see through me

But can you see the real me?

Can you see how I feel about you truly?

Your guard is up always.

Those walls you built are never down.

Is there a way to get through to you?

I'm not afraid of your rough exterior

I see through you to your struggling interior

Your heart has been torn and shredded

The tape you use to hold it together, is barely holding

My eyes can't hold back my tears of sorrow for you.

I want to help your heart heal, putting it back together

with you.

But I know your heart does not trust so easily.

Hurt has filled your life with distrust, sorrow and

unhappiness

Let my love shine through and give you hope for

happiness

I am not like the others.

What I feel is true and pure

I plead for a chance to show you I love you and that I will never hurt you

Will you allow me that chance?

Is there a break in the wall that I may squeeze through?

Is there room in your heart for my love?

Just give me a chance

Give yourself a chance at love and happiness

I promise you a never-ending love and affection as well

as support and faith in you.

I promise you will not regret allowing me into your life

and heart to love the real you.

To love you, with your hurtful past, torn heart and

misgivings.

I will have patience and work through them with you.

I love you, from the moment I met you

Now, if only you could see and trust that.

Regards,

Umar